People amaze me

Okay, now people amaze me in many different ways. Some are bad, some are good, some are amazing. Today let's focus on the amazing part.

A few days ago, Revelife posted a blog about homeless people and how do we react to them. I posted a comment that if I have money I will feed them. I also stated that I wanted to find some cheap Bibles to hand out. That is always something I've wanted to do, but never actually stepped out in faith. I will feed them and say, "God bless you" and be done with it. I don't hand out Bibles and I don't pray for them. On a recent post, I was really convicted of my actions one day when I fed a homelss person. This is what I wrote from my blog on 6/29/2008,

"A few days ago, I got some food for a homeless woman. No biggie, I do that all the time. I always say, "God Bless You". They usually say thanks and take the food. Not this woman...she was different. She followed me back across the street and began to tell me her story and how she needed money. I explained to her that I don't give out money, but I will gladly feed people like I just did. I then explained to her irregardless of her circumstances, God still loved her, always loved her, no matter what. She broke down crying and said she knew that, but just needed to hear it. We talked for a little longer, then I left. As I drove off, I became really convicted of my actions. Why didn't I pray with her? Why? She was obviously reaching out to me. But...two things crossed my mind as I was talking to her, one is what would people think if they saw me praying with her? Why did I let myself get caught up in the world and lose focus on God? Because that is what happened. Also, there was another homeless guy across the street, who was making his way over to me. For a brief moment, I felt that my safety was in danger. Gosh, Bran, could you be any more caught up in "worldly" things? I could of fed him as well, and prayed with both of them. But I didn't, I was too caught up in my own thoughts and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, that night I failed at being a Christian. I may have been the only encounter those people had to show God's love and I completely blew it. I cried myself to sleep that night, begging for forgiveness. I hate disappointing God more than anything."

People left comments saying I hadn't disappointed God and I did more than they would of. But still, I felt like I had failed God so bad that day. I could of done more, but I didn't. I choose not to. A man named Joe, who I have never met, sent me a message here on Xanga after I posted a comment on Revelife's blog stating he had a box of about 50 Bibles and wondered if I might be interested. I didn't even hestitate to message him back and state that yes, I would be interested and even would be willing to pay half of the postage. Even though, he is a stranger...God is opening up a door and I need to be strong enough to walk through it. Because as I stated previously, I've always wanted to do that, but never stepped out in faith. So, I've really been thinking about his message for the past few days...I still wasn't sure what God was doing, but He's doing something. Last night, I received my answer. Our service at church last night was about homeless people and how we react to them. The pastor talked about different instances of homeless people being ignored. He also spoke of our ACTS ministry, this is our homeless ministry. Twice a month a whole bunch of people who have a heart for the homeless go around picking up various people in a van, bringing them to our church. These people are then fed, showered, given toiletries, clothes, and fellowship. The volunteers have built relationships with these people and pray for these people. They showed a video last night about a guest that had been coming and how her life is completely changed by these people, completely changed ultimately by the grace of God. It brought tears to my eyes. I've helped with them a few times, I remember how immensely blessed I was by that experience. And if my schedule permits, I will go and help this ministry at my church. Sometimes on Saturdays, I have meetings for the women's retreat I am doing, so I might not be able to help all the time....

Lately, I've wrote about how I am still feeling lost in my world at church and sometimes with God. I have a huge heart for missions, I hope to be living in South America eventually. But right now, I'm not volunteering in the missions department at my church for personal reasons. But while I am working on getting out of the country, for the time being, couldn't I help people here locally? Holy cow...God is working in me right now, to the point where I am filled with elation. Whether Joe sends me these Bibles or not, I will step out of my comfort zone and vow that when I feed a homeless person, I will have a Bible with me and be willing to pray with them. Last night, Jeremy our pastor, said, "Care enough to do something." I want to be that person that cares enough to do something. I can't save the world, I'm so small compared to the world. But, maybe, just maybe...I will make a difference in that one person's life. "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours."

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly

And to love mercy

And to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Can I get an order of mom with a side of dad please?

Happy Monday everyone! How are you doing? I’m pretty fantastic! It rained all day yesterday and although I’m quite fond of the rain, I just couldn’t seem to get warm yesterday. Alma School in Mesa is flooded again. I’m sure there will be people, who will drive through a flooded area, and they will get stuck and the police or fire will have to rescue them. Ladies and gentlemen, that is what we call the Stupid Motorist Law. It actually exists here in good ol’ Arizona. My dad just called to see if I was okay, said he saw Arizona on the news all the way in Florida because of the rain. He just told me not to be stupid and drive through water. Oh Dad, you’re so caring. I told him I’m not that stupid, but there are people who are.

So, yesterday J and I hit up Poiema Church again. I have to be honest in saying, I was a little anxious about going again yesterday. We haven’t been in two weeks and just because we had an awesome first time experience there, doesn’t mean we would have another one. I just didn’t know if I could handle trying to look for another church. I’m the type of gal who needs stability and I really don’t want to constantly explore other churches. But, despite the fact they had technical difficulties, everything was still awesome. I’m really enjoying it. And although I’m adult and I’m perfectly capable of going alone, I’m enjoying going with J. It’s nice to sit with someone in church, especially one of my closest friends. I don’t feel so alone.

Yesterday, I was looking for a blank CD in my room and came across letters from my mother. I have every single letter she’s written me. But I couldn’t force myself to read them, again. I just couldn’t do it. I knew I would get upset and start crying. All her letters of regret, how much she loves me, yet I haven’t spoken to her since May. I, for some reason, can’t throw them away either. She’s managed to do what she does best, push people away, push me away, the daughter she hasn’t spoken to for most of my life. I am beginning to think that I’m mentally better off without her. Life is so much less complicated without her in it. I have stated before that the 4 years she was back in my life, she caused more grief than the other 26 years I’ve been alive. My roomie told me on Saturday that I tend to cling to parental figures too quickly. Yes, I suppose that is true. She also reminded me that I’m an adult and I don’t really need a parental figure to answer to. No, I don’t really need to answer to anyone but God. However, I yearn for that affection of a parental love or getting their opinion on something, it’s a thing I haven’t felt in 8 years. And even though I’m an adult, I pay my own bills, whatever; I still deserve to have a set of “parents” that give me love and affection. The closest thing I have right now is J’s parents. And I’m perfectly okay with that, I so love them. They make me feel more loved than my actual mom and dad do. I am learning how to love my dad, his faults, everything. But it has taken me a long time to be his “daughter”, half of the time; I’m more the parent to him. This is frustrating. Yesterday, in church the pastor said something that struck a chord with me. He talked about not growing up without a father and said he’s determined that God gave you the parents he gave you to make you the person you are now. I know that’s true, I get that. Things would be so different if I had been raised by my parents. I can honestly say that I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. I probably would have killed myself or gotten myself killed. But God, gave me my grandparents, who raised me in a stable home, forced me to get good grades, disciplined me when needed, made me the woman I am today with not an influence whatsoever from my mom or dad. I had a great childhood, no regrets. I miss my grandparents terribly, especially my grandma. We were really close.

So this past week, I did something I’ve never done before, I finished reading the entire Bible. In all my time of being a Christian, I had yet to read the entire Bible. And, I’ve done it. I’m quite proud of myself. I feel so accomplished and God has definitely shown me many things through His word. I somehow feel stronger in my faith, yet still wanting to thirst for more. With that said, I’m going to do a 90 day reading plan. I attempted to do it once, but I was doing it alone and failed. I definitely need someone to hold me accountable. So, I’m going to do it and if anyone is interested in doing it with me, here is the website, www.biblein90days.com. I will not lie when I say it’s A LOT to read and if you miss a day, you’re in trouble. Let me know if you’re interested! We’ll hold each other accountable. I’m starting February 1^st.

Anyways, gotta go. Have a great day!

Bran :)

Quote of the day:Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ~A.A. Milne