Okay, now people amaze me in many different ways. Some are bad, some are good, some are amazing. Today let's focus on the amazing part.
A few days ago, Revelife posted a blog about homeless people and how do we react to them. I posted a comment that if I have money I will feed them. I also stated that I wanted to find some cheap Bibles to hand out. That is always something I've wanted to do, but never actually stepped out in faith. I will feed them and say, "God bless you" and be done with it. I don't hand out Bibles and I don't pray for them. On a recent post, I was really convicted of my actions one day when I fed a homelss person. This is what I wrote from my blog on 6/29/2008,
"A few days ago, I got some food for a homeless woman. No biggie, I do that all the time. I always say, "God Bless You". They usually say thanks and take the food. Not this woman...she was different. She followed me back across the street and began to tell me her story and how she needed money. I explained to her that I don't give out money, but I will gladly feed people like I just did. I then explained to her irregardless of her circumstances, God still loved her, always loved her, no matter what. She broke down crying and said she knew that, but just needed to hear it. We talked for a little longer, then I left. As I drove off, I became really convicted of my actions. Why didn't I pray with her? Why? She was obviously reaching out to me. But...two things crossed my mind as I was talking to her, one is what would people think if they saw me praying with her? Why did I let myself get caught up in the world and lose focus on God? Because that is what happened. Also, there was another homeless guy across the street, who was making his way over to me. For a brief moment, I felt that my safety was in danger. Gosh, Bran, could you be any more caught up in "worldly" things? I could of fed him as well, and prayed with both of them. But I didn't, I was too caught up in my own thoughts and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, that night I failed at being a Christian. I may have been the only encounter those people had to show God's love and I completely blew it. I cried myself to sleep that night, begging for forgiveness. I hate disappointing God more than anything."
People left comments saying I hadn't disappointed God and I did more than they would of. But still, I felt like I had failed God so bad that day. I could of done more, but I didn't. I choose not to. A man named Joe, who I have never met, sent me a message here on Xanga after I posted a comment on Revelife's blog stating he had a box of about 50 Bibles and wondered if I might be interested. I didn't even hestitate to message him back and state that yes, I would be interested and even would be willing to pay half of the postage. Even though, he is a stranger...God is opening up a door and I need to be strong enough to walk through it. Because as I stated previously, I've always wanted to do that, but never stepped out in faith. So, I've really been thinking about his message for the past few days...I still wasn't sure what God was doing, but He's doing something. Last night, I received my answer. Our service at church last night was about homeless people and how we react to them. The pastor talked about different instances of homeless people being ignored. He also spoke of our ACTS ministry, this is our homeless ministry. Twice a month a whole bunch of people who have a heart for the homeless go around picking up various people in a van, bringing them to our church. These people are then fed, showered, given toiletries, clothes, and fellowship. The volunteers have built relationships with these people and pray for these people. They showed a video last night about a guest that had been coming and how her life is completely changed by these people, completely changed ultimately by the grace of God. It brought tears to my eyes. I've helped with them a few times, I remember how immensely blessed I was by that experience. And if my schedule permits, I will go and help this ministry at my church. Sometimes on Saturdays, I have meetings for the women's retreat I am doing, so I might not be able to help all the time....
Lately, I've wrote about how I am still feeling lost in my world at church and sometimes with God. I have a huge heart for missions, I hope to be living in South America eventually. But right now, I'm not volunteering in the missions department at my church for personal reasons. But while I am working on getting out of the country, for the time being, couldn't I help people here locally? Holy cow...God is working in me right now, to the point where I am filled with elation. Whether Joe sends me these Bibles or not, I will step out of my comfort zone and vow that when I feed a homeless person, I will have a Bible with me and be willing to pray with them. Last night, Jeremy our pastor, said, "Care enough to do something." I want to be that person that cares enough to do something. I can't save the world, I'm so small compared to the world. But, maybe, just maybe...I will make a difference in that one person's life. "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours."
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly
And to love mercy
And to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8