Eerie silence

Monday at work, it was announced that after many budget reductions within AHCCCS, the agency will have to lay off some people, 82 to be exact. I give our director, Tony Rodgers props. He really cut expenses any way he could in order to avoid layoffs. Unfortunately AHCCCS is still millions of dollars in debt. It's just getting worse, because as people lose their jobs and benefits, they come to AHCCCS to receive medical care. It's a bad cycle.

When this was announced on Monday via email, my stomach fell. In the back of my mind I always knew that layoffs were going to hit us, but it stayed in the back of my mind until Monday. The layoffs are to be announced tomorrow. I'll be honest, I'm scared. Eighty-two people is a lot and roughly about 10% of our agency. They are not going by seniority, work performance. They are looking at positions to see how valuable they are to the agency. They don't care if you have been with the state for over 15 years, if they see your position is not needed, you're gone.

The sad thing is, this is just the first round of layoffs. The next round, if needed will come 6/2010.

I went into work yesterday, the first time being at the office since the announcement. It was heart breaking. I got caught up in the moment of the layoffs and only thought about me possibly losing my job. But there are a great deal of people being laid off. The floor I work on was quiet, in an eerie kind of way. Usually in the morning, you hear "Good mornings" along with other conversations. You smell coffee and breakfast obtained from the cafeteria. You hear radios, people on the phone, the fax machine. But yesterday, none of that was going on, it was all too quiet. One of my coworkers said it had been like that since the email on Monday. She admitted to me she hasn't been able to eat. She's a smoker and said that people who haven't smoked in years are outside smoking again. Grown men are filled with fear and their hands are shaking.

We are all sitting on pins and needles waiting for this announcement. We are all scared to death knowing that we could be laid off. I don't know what is worse, being forewarned and the whole waiting deal or not being notified and caught out of the blue. Our fate literally lies on that piece of sacred paper where every one's name is listed that is being laid off.

I went and talked to my boss yesterday, to see if she had any idea if one of my team members were being let go. She had no information for me, sadly she's just as scared as I am, no knowing what's going to happen.

Earlier in my state employment we went through a RIF (reduction in force), that was pretty hard. But that just meant the state was freezing any open positions that were open. We were not to hire anyone. But this layoff thing is a whole new thing.

Through the darkness of this right now, I'm completely blessed by my friends. If I were to lose my job and get to the point where I can't pay my bills, I've been offered a room from two different people for free. I won't go that route unless I have to, but it's great to know I have people who will take me in.

I'm trying not to stress about it, but how can you not?
Tomorrow is the day...the day I find out if I will still have a job.

Please pray for not only me, but for anyone else who will be affected. These people are mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, etc, losing their income.

Quote of the day: "This is going to hurt like hell..." lyric from one of Sarah's McLachlan's song, Hold On.

***Update 5/8/2009***
Layoffs happened yesterday at my job. It was not pretty; there were a lot of tears. It was the scariest day of my life so far. By only the grace of God my job was saved and I’m still employed.
Please, if you remember, pray for the families that were affected.

Merry Christmas?

Hello everyone! How are you doing? I'm doing pretty fantastic actually! Yes, I know, way different than the last post, huh? I got out of my rut. It took a few days and a few hugs from friends, but I am doing much, much better! It's always amazing when God surrounds you around friends who just want to make you better. And plus, it was raining and cloudy for a few days, but now the sun is shining. Now, I do love rain, but this last rain with the mixture of my attitude was not a good mix. But I am great again.

I work for the state of Arizona's Medicaid program. The part of the program I work for deals with mostly the elderly and disabled population. Yesterday, I had to help out in my old stomping grounds, the Mesa office. The place I actually started working for Medicaid back in 2000. They had their annual Christmas dinner and me and another employee went to help answer their phones so everyone could go enjoy the party. An elderly couple came in yesterday and while the wife was filling out the application, the husband was talking to me. Boy, he was hysterical! He had all these one liners for everything. He was keeping me very entertained. While they were leaving, I said Merry Christmas to them. I didn't say Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings, I said Merry Christmas. The wife stopped in her tracks when I said that, walked back to the counter where I was and said, "Thank you for saying Merry Christmas." She said no one says that anymore, I simply replied, well I celebrate Christmas, the true meaning of Christmas. I just thought that was funny, no one has ever thanked me for saying that before.

So, I go in a bout of depression, guess what I do...I buy a new car! Lol, no I didn't buy it for that reason, but I just felt it was time to trade Miguel (my car) in. He had 52K miles on him. I got a purdy, 05' Toyota Camry with only 21K miles on it. It's gold with tinted windows. It does not have a name yet, I'm leaving it up to Jason to name it. I have no clue what to name it. I wanted to name my next car, Pablo, but this car definitely does not look like a Pablo! We shall see what name he comes up with. On the bad side of things, my computer died yesterday. I think it might be done with. J came over yesterday and looked at it, nothing. I have to take it to someone at my old church and see if they can fix it. Oy vei. Just what I wanted to deal with.

So, I briefly posted last blog about finding a new church home. Yep, I'm going to make Broadway Christian Church (www.bccmesa.com) my new home. Every time I've gone there, I've felt so welcome, so alive. I still might go look at other churches, but so desperately needed a "home" church. I've contacted Children's Ministry to start volunteering in January. I can't wait. They are going to Peru in May. This is their first mission trip they are doing. They have done youth trips, but are expanding to the adults. I so want to go to Peru! But part of me is really scared to go out of the country again due to what happened last time. But, on the upside, it will be fall in Peru when we go, I doubt the mosquitos will be around. But they do have Dengue going through that country. All is need is one bite from another mosquito to put my health in danger. But they do have other bugs, diseases I need to worry about. *Sigh* I am itching to go on another mission trip, but really need to pray about it. It will be a lot with school, work, and Tres Dias. I need to let them know by January 21st.

One last thing, please pray for my roomie, Lisa. We had hot wings last night. She had the hot ones, I had the medium ones. She's been up all night vomiting. I think she's got a bad case of food poisoning. I feel fine though.

Hey, Christmas is like 9 days away! Hooray! Have a great day!

Brandiesel (another new nickname)

Quote of the day: "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~Mahatma Gandhi