It is 11 days into the month of December. The cards have been mailed. The house has been decorated. I've gone to the Mormon temple to look at the lights. Christmas music is playing on the radio. Gifts have been bought. The peppermint candle has scented our apartment. The stockings have been hung by the fireplace. The baking will begin next week. Everything around me would indicate that it's close to Christmas. Yet, I really don't feel like it's Christmas, the spirit just doesn't seem to be there. Holidays are never good for me, it's a constant reminder that my grandmother is gone. She loved the holidays and it's the time when our family came together despite our differences to celebrate.
Although her passing usually gets me down during this year, I can usually manage to get into the Christmas spirit. But, this year there seems to be something else missing. While the season of fall was approaching the rest of the nation, here in Arizona, we still struggled with temps in the 100's. It just recently cooled down. This year, more than any other year that I can remember, I yearned for fall more than anything. My heart literally hurt for cooler weather and to see the colors of the leaves changing. I never cared about fall that much back in Indiana, but every year that I lived here, I've missed fall more and more each year. Today as I hung a Christmas card I received, the thought occurred to me, could it be that since I really missed the fall season this year, that my heart is also missing a real Christmas? A real Christmas being a snow filled holiday. It doesn't snow here in Phoenix, but it snows 2 hours up north. I've seen the snow up there, but even that is nothing compared to what happens in the midwest. And if you don't live near Chicago, you'll never understand what "lake effect snow" means. As much as I hate dealing with snow, it's very pretty to look at. I guess I'm missing that this year, missing snuggling up with hot cocoa, missing the glow of Christmas lights as the snow falls gently on the ground, missing the sound of the snow crunching under my shoes, missing the scarves, hats, gloves.
The fact that I'm really missing the seasons is a prime indication that it's time to leave Arizona. We all know that I'm in the process of doing that, heading to Portland here in the next year. It's really not coming quick enough. By this time next year, I will be experiencing a real fall again. And although I won't be getting snow for Christmas next year, I will be getting rain. And I'm okay with that. It would be a change of what is in Arizona. There are other reasons as to needing to leave this state, but let's just leave it at that for now.
Anyways, I'm out like a broken Christmas bulb.
Quote of the day: "Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times." ~Kate L. Bosher
Scripture of the day: "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." ~1 Peter 5:10