Friday, August 22, 2008

Staring out the window

I'm sitting here trying to work, but can't help to stare out the window of my patio. Right now I'm in awe of how pretty the sky is...gosh it's so blue and from my view, I can't see a cloud in the sky. There are so many things going through my head right now. Most of it is pure amazement as how much I grew internally this week. You know that saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Have you ever witnessed that? Gone through something you absolutely, positively thought it was going to kill you? But in the end, you grew so much from the experience, and because of everything you are a stronger person. *Stands up* Yes, I've been experiencing that in my life lately, most recently this past week. Whew! A few post ago, I was hurting, my heart was hurting. A few days after that, I wrote about being healed in a way I have never felt before. And I'm staring out the window, I'm realizing how amazing God is and how I am glorifying Him more now than ever in this past week.

I sometimes wonder why I blog...I have people who read this blog. I have over 50 subscribers, but rarely ever get a decent amount of comments. But then, I'm reminded of the fact of why I really blog. I blog to sort out my thoughts, to look back at my life...the good, bad, and ugly and to realize how much I've grown, learned, changed. I don't blog to get comments, that's for sure. I am always reminded of a Calvin & Hobbes quote, "Be careful...we don't want to learn from this." Gosh, I love that quote. I find it funny as well. I sometimes go back and re-read my blogs just to see how far I've come and I'm dumbfounded. I forget about the little things, I sometimes even forget about the big things, but reminded of them when I go back and read previous entries. There are some things, I can't even honestly remember what was going on in my life to make me write what I wrote.

I can honestly say...I'm focused on Him more now than ever, focused on applying Bibical practices in my life. I'm a people pleaser to the max. I will tell somebody yes to something, whether I want to do it or not. I stepped down from my position on the women's retreat I was doing last week. I have honestly prayed about this postion, and was led to drop off team, but felt guilty when I told the people that I was dropping off. On top of everything else going on last week, I was ridiculed with guilt from dropping off team. I felt that if I disappointed them, I was disappointing God. I hate when people make me feel like less than a Christian than I am. I hate that, and because I'm a people pleaser, it honestly happens, I let people make me feel that way. I hate when I stick up for myself, and numerous people come to me asking, "Are you sure this is what God wants for you and it's not Satan talking to you?" I hate that more than anything. Don't assume you know what's going on in my head and don't call me less of a Christian because for once I don't want to serve at the retreat. I serve God, a lot. Serving is a priority in my life, one time of not serving doesn't make me a bad person. But my back bone grew a little stronger that night and I told these people that Satan was not talking to me. Do you know I had a boyfriend break up with me once, because he said I had no backbone, and I was too nice? Oh yes, that did happen. Nobody understands my heart, they think because I'm dropping off team that Satan is having is way in my life. It's just annoying.

Yes, folks...there you have it, I'm a devil worshipper.

Satan is having his way in my life.

Hey, are you holding up so far? Are you doing okay? Staying strong? You've had a hard week and I just thought I would check in on you. So many things have happened, even as late as this morning. You're fantastic, you say? Well, that's have one more hurdle to get over in the next week or so. Once you jump this hurdle, you will be able to accomplish anything. Be strong Bran, stand up and do it.

Scripture of the day: "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." ~1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Quote of the day: "A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That's where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It's having a backbone." ~Robert Kiyosaki

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