Saturday, November 18, 2006

A girl and her daddy

Hey everyone,

How are you doing? I'm doing so much better. I'm feeling like good ol' Brandy again. Please continue to pray for my team, another one was admitted into the hospital last night. Oy vei! This Dengue Fever has knocked all of us for a loop. It literally took everything I had in me to fight it. I did a lot of sleeping, which is abnormal for me. I'm glad to be past it.

So, do you like my title? Growing up as a kid, I didn't see my father a lot. The only time I saw him was when I spent the summers with him, which wasn't every summer. And then, he would be at work all day, so I only saw him for a little bit in the evening. Usually a few days of being with my father, I would call my grandma crying begging her to fly me back home. She never did. She always made me stay. My relationship with my dad was definitely an odd one. I vividly remember times when he said he was driving up from Florida to come see me in Indiana. I would sit in front of the window and wait...and wait...and wait only for him to never show. I would sit there for days, he never showed. This isn't the first time he has let me down, there has been many times when my dad let me down. I also remember times when he would call, I would answer the phone, and he wouldn't talk to me, he only wanted to talk to my grandma, his mom. It knew it was me on the other line but never asked how I was doing, nothing. He didn't have a hand in raising me, I'm a product of my grandparent's upbringing, he wasn't there when I went to my first dance, had my first boyfriend. It was always my grandma. Even in the summers, he didn't really have a say. I remember once, I called my stepmother a nice word. She said something about telling my father, I remember thinking, "He's not gonna do anything to me, because if he does, Gram will be all over him."

When my grandma passed away over 6 years ago, it's like my dad woke up and realized I was his daughter. I do have to give him credit, he has definitely gotten better at communicating since my gram passed away. Although a lot of times in the relationship, I have to be the parent, which I hate doing by the way. Sometimes I just wanna be the daughter, you know? But, I don't know what it is...I love my dad like crazy, irregardless of my past history (or lack of), I love my dad. There is something about a little girl and her daddy, I can't explain it. I'm almost 30 now, and my dad and I have reached a different level of the father/ daughter relationship. I'm not a kid anymore and he's realized that. He has supported me in my decisions, especially the ones I have made for God. He's not a Christian, but he supports me. He was in town on Sunday, only for a little bit. I only saw him for a very short time, but I cherish that time I had with him. I wish we could of spent more time. There was a lack of communication between the two of us. I thought he said we would spend the entire Sunday together. I patiently began to wait for him all day long as I had done as a little girl. I waited and waited, and about halfway through the day, I decided I wasn't gonna let this man get to me as he had done before. I had honestly decided in my head, that if he didn't call, I was gonna be completely done with him and never speak to him again. I have done that before with people in my life, I know it's not the most Christian thing to do, but that is how I function sometimes. I'm good at writing people out of my life. But about 5:30, he finally called, and was on his way back into town. He had been in Mexico with my uncle. So, I got to see him, if only for a little bit. It made me happy.

Okay, that is all I have for now. Have a great weekend!

Remember Jesus loves you!



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