Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Hello, is anyone there?

Has it really been 5 months since my last post? I miss the days where I would blog frequently. I really should be updating more. Writing is such a good release. So much has happened in the past five months.

The big thing is I FINALLY finished my pre-reqs for the nursing program. Yowza! It has been a long time coming. I've gotten so discouraged along the way. So much so that if I passed this semester, I was considering on being done with school all together. Once I found out that I passed, I was still left with a huge question mark as to if I was going to continue or not. I was standing at a fork in the road. Just so sick of school, but not wanting it all to be a waste. All for nothing. Then last week, I got something in the mail. Something I believe was God's affirmation to keep going. I received a technical certificate for finishing all my core pre-reqs. It was so unexpected and so much needed. Once the confusion cleared up as to why I was receiving the certificate, I just started crying. I needed that piece of paper more than I can explain. So, I am pursing the nursing program. I need to apply by September in hopes of starting in January.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm so not big on change? Starting a nursing program is a big change in itself, but if that happens, I will have to quit my job. I'll probably have to live with someone, practically rent free, learning to go to school full time and only work part time. It's always been the other way around. Lots and lots of changes. If I start thinking about it too much, I start to get overwhelmed. My thoughts start to take over and it all becomes way too much to process.

In the midst of all this change, there is another factor that may be involved. Another possible change. One that I'm not quite ready to talk about yet. But it is another thing to process on on top of everything.

But through it all, I'm choosing to trust God. No matter how scared the thoughts of my future may be. I'm choosing to trust the One who will take care of it all.

I feel that God is doing something in my life right now, something bigger than I had ever imagined, something that I'm not sure I'm ready for. It's taking everything in me not to run far, far away. That is my adult way to handling things. Lol. When things get too rough, it doesn't take much for me to cut my losses and walk away. I've hardened my heart so much to hurt from different situations, I know how to protect myself. But I feel I am slowly freeing myself from the wall. Bit by bit, little by little the wall is starting to break. Perhaps I am like the caterpillar that has gone into it's cocoon to mature. Just like the caterpillar, my body, my mind is changing and I'm just about to break out of my cocoon and ready to spread my wings.

Eeeeekkkk! So much change going on. But again, I'm trying not to focus on that. I'm just choosing to love and trust my Jesus through it all.

One step, one day at a time, right?

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
Anatole France