Sunday, January 5, 2014

The Tattoo on my Arm

I have a tattoo on my left forearm. It's a simple tattoo, small. It's two initials outlined in hearts. The two initial would be B and N for Brandy and Nikki. Nikki is my little sister. Step-sister actually. But she's the one I am closest to even though we don't talk much. She has the same tattoo on her foot. The purple outline is because we were both born in February and Amethyst is our birthstone.

Early in December, I got a text from my little brother to call him as soon as I could that it was about Nikki. When I called him he told me she was in the hospital due to her doing drugs and her liver was shutting down. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Drugs? I mean I knew she smoked pot, but I knew nothing more. So I was caught off guard. But I was still skeptical and wanted to hear it from her mouth. She wasn't telling anyone what happened and I wasn't getting any answers. So the next day, I found 4 different hospitals in two cites as to where she might be. I found her at the fourth hospital. When the operator told me she was connecting me to her room, I teared up.

She didn't want to tell me what happened and I told her that was okay. That whether she told me or not, I still loved her. Because that is all that really matters. She wound up telling what my brother had told me and confirmed that it was due to drugs, particularly Meth. I kept telling her I loved her no matter what, but through tears pleaded with her to seek help because I couldn't bear to lose my little sister.

She was discharged a few days later and I haven't heard from her since. I have tried calling, texting. No response. My brother hasn't heard from her either. I know she's still alive as she's posting on FB. But she's ignoring us, her family. And to be honest, my heart is completely broken about everything. I hate that I am not near her to try to help her. I can't stop thinking about her, praying about her, wondering where she is. Wondering if she's okay, wondering if she's alive. I get a sense of relief when I see a post on Facebook even if it's about something regarding pot. It means she's still breathing. My thoughts are so consumed with her that I can't think straight, sometimes can't function, can't sleep. I've learned how to deal with alcohol. And although Meth  and alcohol are both considered drugs, this Meth chapter is a whole new thing to process. It's very uncharted waters for me.

Please pray for my sister. Pray for her to get off the drugs completely. I don't know what else to do but pray.