In a mere 23 days, I'll be doing just that, stepping into the unknown. Leaving what I know here in Arizona and meeting the unknown somewhere between here and Indiana. I've always been a planner. I know ultimately, that God's plans are very different than mine, but I still like to plan. I like to know what's going on, be prepared for any situation (that I'm aware of). I think it goes along with my type A personality and my OCD.
I'm leaving my job of 10 years and although the government hasn't been too stable recently, it's provided stability to me. I've survived 2 layoffs and now I'm willingly leaving my position and my health insurance. I am leaving without a job and I won't have health insurance for the time being. No paycheck coming on a two week cycle. No source of income at all.
I'm leaving the city I know like the back of my hand. Me and the East Valley are very good friend's and I'm familiar with various driving routes, where my bank is, where to get the good deals in my local grocery store. The city I live in is massive with everything I want within a short drive. Heading to a place in Indiana, I'm not familiar with at all. I can't tell you how many times I've called my dad asking questions about things and how far a certain city is from him. I'm sure I'm driving him crazy. :)
I am leaving my little apartment that I love. The place I come to when I need to escape, my own place. I am leaving my bed behind. I know it's a material thing, but that is my comfort place. I curl up with the blanket and cover my head waiting for my world to get better. During the bad times of depression, laying in it reminds me to breath and that God is in control. Many tears have been shed in that bed over various things. I'll be moving in with my father, which will be odd. I've never lived with him before except when I was a baby. I would see him in the summers, but that was different. Living in a place where privacy will be little to none. I might have to leave the house and go somewhere to escape my world.
I'm leaving my friends. These people who know me best and put up with me when I'm being a total pain and somehow continue to love anyways. Many friendships have been formed and lost, but a few stuck it out with me.A lot of them have provided me with accountability in my Christian walk. I have friends in Indiana, one I'm close to, but she will be far away. Meeting new people is fine, but it's the whole figuring out if I can trust someone new or not. I won't have a strong sense of accountability in my Christian walk right away.
I'm leaving my church that I love, the familiar faces of my three years olds along with their personalities. A church that makes one of their mission goals to speak for children who can't speak for themselves, which is my heart as well. I haven't really explored churches online, so I don't know where I'm going to attend. I know the churches back there will not be like the churches back in AZ.
There's so much I'm leaving.
And it's all pretty...scary.
So scary sometimes, I give myself a panic attack. I am not regretting this decision, nor changing my mind. But I have the right to be scared of the unknown. I think everyone would, it's a BIG change and I'm doing this on my own. I know in my heart, that God wants this for me as well. All of the details are falling into place, piece by piece, clarifying more every day I'm on the right path. I still stress about it sometimes. I think God gets a lot of laughs when it comes to me. I am always stressing, HE ALWAYS PROVIDES. Then I wonder why I stressed in the first place. I'm really excited about it all as well, I'm literally starting a new chapter in my book of life.
But through it all, I know God is bigger than the unknown or as I like to say God is bigger than the boogeyman. :) God will provide and He will take care of me like He always has. I pray I never blink an eye and I don't miss anything He has in store for me on my new journey. I want to take it all in, the sights, the smells, the sounds, the good, the bad, everything.