Friday, May 22, 2009


The Bible talks a lot about the need to forgive people. It says we need to forgive "not 7 times" but 77 times, it doesn't literally mean we only give a person 77 chances, then the 78th chance, they are done. No more forgiveness can be given. It means we need to constantly be forgiving.

That's a great concept, it really is. However, it's not as easy as I wish it were. There are many people in my life that I still haven't forgiven. I do try, but I just can't seem to let the forgiveness go. It's the most difficult thing. And in order for me to fully love life, the forgiveness needs to happen.

But it's so hard. Wouldn't you agree? Forgiveness is not one of my better qualities. The hurt runs so deep from my sister telling me that I would be so beautiful if I would just lose weight, to the cheating that happened in my family that affected me directly and later I was the one cheated on from a boyfriend, to the fact that my mother and father pretty much abandoned me as a young child. And I had a great life growing up with my grandparents, but not actually having my mother and father around has affected me more than I can explain. Forgiveness for the three men I gave my heart, my whole self to, only for them each to break it and hand it back to me. Sadly to say, I think they have damaged me beyond repair. The friendships lost because of one thing or another. Forgiveness is not a word in my vocabulary and I honestly won't forget that one day you hurt me in some sort of way. I hold grudges.

A few months ago, we had a guest speaker at Central. He spoke about forgiveness. His sermon was so amazing, he made me and my friend want to move to Texas to attend his church. His story was a lot like mine in regards to parental abandonment. I know there's so much forgiving that needs to be done. After that sermon, I really began to think about someone, a friendship lost almost 8 months ago. I knew that I needed to ask forgiveness for the wrongs that I had done and also tell her I forgave her for everything as well.

It took me two months to sit down and write that email. But I did, last Sunday. I felt so relieved sending it. Not knowing what was going to come out of it, Sunday night I was anxious to get home and check my email for a response. Kristine told me not to wait for anything. That way if a response is received, then it will be a surprise. A few days later it arrived. All is forgiven on both sides. She forgave me as well. I cried when I read the email. It just proves that God is amazing and ever so faithful.

And it makes me realize that eventually, I will be able to forgive the hurt caused from other people and this was just the beginning.
Baby steps, Bran, baby steps...

Quote of the day: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes

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