Sunday, April 19, 2009

That old me's dead and gone

Two of my pals use lyrics from songs as their blog titles. I'm not normally a follower, but today I'm going to follow them and use a song lyric as my blog title.

I've noticed lately that I've lost my touch with blogging. I used to blog all the time, good, bad, whatever. I would just write. Writing is a way for me to sort all these crazy things out in my head. I just haven't felt like blogging and it's not because I'm going through a hard time. As Kristine pointed out on Friday night, it's the complete opposite. It's because I'm doing so fantastic.

For the past two weeks, numerous people have told me that I've changed, they see something different in me. And they all say it's something great, good. It's like I've become alive again, stress has been released from my shoulders. People said I am glowing, I have been smiling more, I'm the real me, the real Brandy God made. A few posts ago, I blogged about some growth I was going through. Well, I'm still experiencing the growth, but it's a growth spurt that has greatly helped me. It has opened up my eyes to so much. Just when I think I can't possibly grow any more, God proves me wrong and I experience so much more growth.

Have you ever had something in your life that has become unhealthy for you? It could be, people, relationships, drugs, alcohol. There are numerous things that are good, but they can also become unhealthy.

I have been struggling with something unhealthy for a long time. I've always known this wasn't good for me, but yet I choose to keep it in my life, making myself miserable in the meantime. For the longest time, mentally, I was a mess. This one thing that consumed my entire life, consumed my entire soul was so bad for me. People kept telling me to get rid of the unhealthy thing, but I couldn't do it.

About a month ago, I finally decided it was time for a change. It was time to release this one thing that has made me so sick mentally. I was scared, frightened. Not knowing where this unknown path was going to lead me. Too many tears have been shed over this, too, too many and I won't allow it anymore. But I knew for my own sanity and healing it was beyond time to accept this growth spurt as one that I needed. I had to trust God and know that like many times before, he would pull me through this. He would strengthen relationships with a few people in my life to support me through this. He would show that I will be okay, no I'll be great.

And all of that has happened. I did it, I finally got the one thing in my life that was mentally unhealthy for me, and let it go. Fully, let it go. Kristine has been the one who I've grown closer to, who has helped me through this. I miss this unhealthy thing, I really do, but I know that I'm going to be okay without it in my life. I haven't felt this good in so, so long.

I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side,
I turn my head to the West, still nobody in sight,
So, I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill they call pride,
That old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright.


AZmommy23 said...

The curiosity is killing me.... what were those chains?

I'm so happy for you, Brandy! I'm feeling so inspired by your post right now! Thanks for sharing so much of yourself on here! :)

Kristine said...

Well, in case you haven't figured it out by now - I am kind of a big deal :) And so are you Brandy Lynn, so are you! I've loved being a part of the process - it's been amazing to see you bloom :) xoxo

P.S. I left a comment. Happy?!