I've been sitting here for an hour racking my brain as to what I should write about. I used to write all the time, used to write blogs that meant something, but I seem to have lost my touch. Whatever touch that may be. Although it's the Christmas season, a season of happiness, there are many people around me that are desperately hurting. Hurting for something, anything. Hurting for some body to just take notice of their lives.
I am one of those people who loves to take on other people's problems. I am a fixer and I can't save the world, but tell me your problems and I'll sure try to help as much as I can. People sometimes say I give of myself too much. I sometimes give myself so much mentally to something, that I become flat out exhausted. Like right now....I am exhausted from everything. I'm not talking about school, work, etc. I'm talking about this couple getting divorced, this person stabbing people in the back, this person who feels they are wasting away, this person who hates the world, etc. Lately, I've taken on so many problems, that I literally started shutting myself off to the world, realizing that I for once really need to focus on me. Because honestly, my mind can't take too much more.
I get that this world is not about me, that I am to put others needs above my own. I am to love God, love people. I understand all that. However, I'm so tired of trying to take on everyone's problems, when in reality, I've got serious things going on this head of mine. Is it really healthy to struggle with what's going on in my head while trying to fix everyone else? I am sure there has to be a balance of some sort. In some relationships in my life, I've literally stopped caring. Unable to deal with them and me, unable to keep that balance. For so long, I denied my issues, focusing soley on others. Kept thinking I would be okay, God would get me through this. Unfortunately, when my faith in God is lacking, that too is causing some of trouble I am experiencing. I am working on renewing my faith. Working on still putting others needs above my own. But once you get in this rut, it's so difficult to get out.
The small handful of people in my life (Martha, Heather, Kristine, Julie, Jason, and Kathy), hold me up and keep me accountable and bring me back from the clouds are the ones I confide in fully about everything. I sometimes wonder, am I overwhelming them with my "stuff"? They all have their own battles to fight, and try to help me fight my battle as well. Do they sometimes feel like me and overpowered by their problems as well as everyone else's problems? I am sure they do. But Christ said we are to hold each other accountable. And that is what friends do, we bear the burdens of another friend, no matter what.
I don't know the reason for the blog. I guess that I am just trying to get a hold of the things I'm currently struggling with. Trying to remember that it's not about me, it's about everyone else.
Quote of the day: "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."~Helen Keller
Scripture of the day: "For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline." ~2 Timothy 1:7