Sunday, November 16, 2008

Learning to Fly

I've been really thinking about that phrase lately. When a baby bird is learning to fly, it's kind of like a baby taking it's first steps. The steps are wobbly and the baby is no doubt very scared about what will happen, the baby will have injuries along the way. And in the same respect, the bird may flap it's wings and not go anywhere, the bird will take a step off of it's nest and possibly fall. The bird will be hurt physically and mentally, but still determined to learn how to fly. All the while, the mama and daddy bird are encouraging the little bird to keep trying. And after numerous attempts, the bird will finally soar through the sky. It will be able to feel the wind, to see the world as never seen before. It will be free.

I'm not going to lie to anyone when I say that I've had a heck of a summer that is leading into a heck of a fall. Without going into details about everything, I can say:

  • I have immensely been in love with someone who would never love me the same way. And in this relationship, I've grown so much, learned to finally let my feelings for them go, learned to accept the love I do have from this person, knowing it's the best thing I can receive.
  • I have lost numerous hours of sleep stressing over one thing or another. Cried many tears than I care to account for this same reason.
  • I have lost trust with people. People who weren't so close and people who were the closest of all. Both hurt in different ways. Both left major impacts on this heart of mine.
  • I have strengthened a long friendship, realizing no matter what our lives bring...we will grow old together.
  • I have reconnected with an old friendship that I very stupidly walked away from. She forgave me no questions asked. Her, showing God's love more than anyone to me...and she's not even a believer.
  • I found a surrogate mom who actually loves me, after lots of pain on my part about closing this heart of mine up to any mother figures, I finally opened up and let her in. Really let her in, knowing she's not like the other people who let me down. And man, she just make me feel loved.
  • I have had more "dark" days then "good" days.
  • Been more vulnerable with my close friends than I ever have. Through it all, my real friends still love me, despite of everything.
  • Questioned my faith in God, came very close to becoming my "old self". Each time I would take a step back, God managed to stop me.
  • Realizing that life goes on, with or without various people in my life. My life will go on, their life will go on. Our lives will just being going on in different directions.
  • I can't focus on anything that happened in my past. My past is the many years behind me, but it is also yesterday. Today, this day, as well as my future can not be based on what happened to me in the past. It just can't. But I tend to focus on the past.
  • No matter what happened, God is still faithful. I have to keep that as close to my heart as possible. Because when I forget that....I start losing the person I am.

In many aspects, I'm like that baby bird. I'm learning to fly. Learning to step out of that nest. I've fallen quite a few times and I still haven't gotten the hang of it. My wings are my strength, aka my faith in God. I'm learning to strengthen my wings, still learning about fully trusting God and I will one day take that step out of the nest and not fall flat on my face. I will soar through the clouds, I will feel the wind hit my face, and I will see the world from a whole new view.

About six years ago, I dated a guy who loved Tom Petty. I was never a Tom Petty fan, but became a fan when we dated. He loved Tom Petty and was always listening to him. For the past few weeks, I have been singing this song, Learning to Fly. The chorus goes, "I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing." Yes, coming down, falling flat on your face is the most difficult thing to do. But with God, He will pick you up, dust you off, and push you out of the nest again until you finally get the hang of flying.

Now, I like me some Tom Petty and I also like me some Stevie Nicks. I love that I found this version of the song, with Tom and Stevie.

P.S. To watch the video, you might need to turn off my playlist. :) It's at the bottom of the page.


Roxanne Kristina said...

I am sure God is shining on your tender heart. Getting comfortable with uncomfortable is a journey, isn't it?! You are doing a great job. Like the birds, all they know is to take one day at a time. Take one day, one moment as it comes. It will be ok. God promises.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments on my blog. If you read the book, let me know. I'd like to get it too.


Skippy said...

Tom Petty is my favorite of all time (well him and James Taylor). I'll be honest that I like to listen to them while having a glass of merlot and think/journal on all sorts of thoughts. Good blog post - keep up your thinking and dwelling.