We all have our share of family members that are considered "black sheep". Oh come on you know who they are, they're that one family member that everyone whispers about at family functions, that one family member who doesn't shock anyone any more with their antics, etc. Maybe you were once a black sheep, or you currently are. That's okay, I'm not here to judge. I was once the "black sheep" in my family.
Wikipedia defines black sheep as this: Black sheep is an English language idiom which describes an odd or disreputable member of a group, especially within one's family. The term has typically been given negative implications, implying waywardness. It derived from the untypical and unwanted presence of black woolled individuals in herds of sheep, which was undesirable because wool from such sheep could not be dyed.
Funny, I never knew how that saying came about. I rarely blog about my family. To be honest with you, I'm not close with a good portion of them. You may read about my surrogate family, the Dewey's, but my actual family...I hardly ever talk about. I didn't have the normal upbringing (according to most people), but to me, it was very normal. Raised by my grandparents because my parents were unable to care for me. They gave me the best life and I am who I am today because of my grandmother. Once my grandma passed, my family structure changed and we all grew apart. Sure, I love them all, but so much happier they are mostly in Indiana and I'm not.
Not only have I been a black sheep, but I have plenty of those to share. Everyone in my family is a black sheep, we all have our issues, we all have our secrets. In reality, us black sheep just want to be loved and accepted no matter what is going on with us. Sometimes black sheep make it hard to love them, but you love them because they are family. But, I mean to really love unconditionally. It's difficult. In times of trouble, the family bonds together, no matter who is in trouble. In my case, right now, it's a black sheep, my nephew to be exact.
I am a private person and this really isn't something I should not put out for the world to see. I won't hang my nephew out to dry like that. Without giving full details, my nephew is hurting and is going through a lot of problems right now. We are not sure if it's drugs, mental health problems, both...or something worse. My niece and I think it may be something else on top of everything. Something pushed him over the edge. I cried yesterday when I was talking to my niece, my heart hurting, praying to God that what we think happened, didn't happen.
It's times like this, when he needs our love the most. I'm scared for him, scared for people around him, scared of the life he's gotten into, scared he could take that very life away.
I want to tell him I love him. Tell him everything will be okay. Tell him that he won't hurt anymore. Tell him this life he lives doesn't have to be so difficult. Tell him that no matter what, God still loves him. He's a believer, and I try to tell him how much God's love makes everything okay, but he doesn't listen. But, I can't, at least not right now. I don't have a way to get a hold of him. I am a "fixer" and part of me just wants to run to Vegas and pick him up. Take him in, putting his burden on my shoulders, help him get through whatever he is dealing with. But, I know it's not that easy. And right now, for my sanity, it's probably best that I don't.
Please keep him in your prayers, if you think about it. His name is Charlie.
I wish I could give more details, but I simply can't.