Sunday, October 5, 2008

Don't tell me

Last week, I was an emotional mess. Not this week, however this has been some stuff I have been dealing with in the past few weeks with various people in my life. Today will be a general rant.

I think more than anything, I can't stand when someone tells me I can't do something. It's different if I am saying I can't do something, but for someone else to tell me I can't do something...oh man, I despise that. It makes want to do the thing you say I can't do even more. All of my life, my lovely "sister" has been telling me I can't do this, I can't do that. I literally heard that my entire life from her, but I also heard my grandmother say, "You can do anything you put your mind to." Needless to say, my sister has given me some serious issues. I'm a firm believer she's part of the reason I think I'm so screwed up sometimes.

So, here's the deal. I've made a decision that is going to be happening in the next year. I am moving out of this state for various reasons. It's nobody's business where I'm moving, I know where I'm going. And the people who need to know the information has been told. And because you seem to tell me I can't do this and it's the stupidest thing I have ever done (Yes, that was said to me also). Who are you to tell me it's stupid? You have no clue what is going on in my life, even though we have lived together for five years. This is not just directed at roomie, but she is the straw that broke this camel's back. Everyone has their opinions as to what I should do with my life, where I should live, who I should love, who I should be friends with and I'm flat out sick of it.

Last time I checked I'm a grown woman and I have been on my own a long time. I make my own decisions, and the only person I have to answer to is God. Not you or anyone else. I really don't care if you don't like my decisions I make, if you don't like the people I choose to hang out with, if you don't like how I spend my free time, if you don't agree with where I want to live. Let me repeat that, I don't care.

I'm going to move and nothing anyone says is going to stop me. Keep telling me I can't, and I'll start looking for a job and an apartment and leave sooner than anticipated.

I am at a point in my life where I honestly do not have the strength to keep a friendship going if I am the only one giving in the relationship. Life is too short to be stressing out about being the one who constantly keeps in contact with people. And I'm flat out not going to do it any more. If you want to be my friend, you'll invest time in me, instead of me just investing time in you. I am tired of being so nice to people, then them playing these stupid little high school games that drives me crazy. And another thing, I'm done trusting people or attempting to trust people. The people that are in the trust circle are there, no body else will be let into that circle. If I haven't called you in a while, there's a reason, I'm mentally drained from always being the one that contacts you. This last part is directed towards many people, which in turn might make them mad. Oh well.

My walk with God is not always on path, I know that. I'm very open about that. I struggle like everyone else, but I try to make God proud every day. I sometimes fail miserably and that is something I have to deal with. However, do not tell me what YOU think I should be doing as far as my faith is concerned when you haven't walked with God in a very long time. I'm not saying I'm better than you, I'm saying that at least I make an effort to keep my faith in check. I've realized that it's not about me, it's about God. Yet, you have yet to realize that it's not about you at all, you tell me my time serving God is a waste of time. A waste of time? If I managed to influence just one life than every single second I've spent giving to people has been worth every breath and then some. I have no regrets about serving God.

I'm sure after reading this, you'll have your own opinion about everything and want to share it with me. But if you're going to tell me that I can't do something, then keep your opinions to yourself.

1 comment:

AZmommy23 said...

Hey Brandy,

I don't have any idea what you're talking about, but I do know I've never seen anything in you but a giving, serving, open heart. I recently experienced some major disappointment in people in all areas of my life, and I'll give you the same advice that was given to me... don't let it change you. Don't let that anger and disappointment make you bitter and change the wonderful person you are. (BTW, I was irritated as anything when I was lovingly told that... it takes a little while to process, and sometimes I just want to hold on to my anger for a little bit.) And just like we've been learning at church, we can use our pain for good somehow.

Just thought I'd let you know that there are lots of people like me who notice what you do/who you are. :) God bless you!