Friday, October 3, 2008

Confessions of a germaphobe

Hello, my name is Brandy and I am a germaphobe. (Pauses for the "Hi, Brandy")

My friends know this fact, but most of everyone else doesn't know this one small minor detail that consumes my life. Yes, I realize being a germaphobe would indicate that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have accepted that fact. With the flu season upon us, my germaphobe-ness has been doing some serious overtime, especially this week. Here are some things I deal with.

  • A few posts ago, I wrote about Philip, a fellow classmate of mine, who puts EVERYTHING in his mouth. Monday in class, I was really made aware of how gross that is. Okay, now I don't put anything in my mouth that shouldn't be there. Especially pens, pencils, and especially fingers. Wednesday in class, he continued to chew on his pen. I tried not to glance in his direction, but I kinda had to, to see the board in class. Every time I saw him in my periphal vision, I put my hand over my mouth and cringed, it was grossing me out so bad. Think about how many things your hands touch, your hand then touches the pen that goes in your mouth. Gah!

  • Yesterday, at work, a lady in my row of cubicles was coughing up a storm. I'm not sure if she has bronchitis or if the coughing is from her smoking too much...or a combination of both. Either way, every time she cough, I cringed. Germs are invisible, but I could just see them spreading and spreading. Needless to say, I'm working from home today to stay away from the germs.
  • I am a big time freak about my hands. I wash them constantly and if they feel even dirty to the slightest bit, I will literally freak out. Ask Jason, he's witnessed me freaking out over my hands a few times. I hate the feeling of lotion in general, but my skin gets really dry in the winter. The only lotion I can somewhat stand is Baby Lotion and even then, I put it on my body and immediately wash it off of my hands. I hate the feeling of my hands feeling greasy, it grosses me out. In the winter time because my skin is so dry and I wash my hands constantly, they literally crack and bleed, from excessive washing. As much as I hate lotion, sometimes in the winter I have to lather thick lotion on my hands and sleep with gloves on, because they are that cracked. You may say, we all wash our hands. Sure, but I counted one day, how many times I wash my hands. Not including bathroom trips, one day, it got to 27 times. Yeppers, I totally have OCD.

  • Four MUST HAVE ESSENTIALS that I need to function in this dirty world:

  • My roomie bought this fantastic vacuum. It has a green/red light on it that indicates if there is dirt embedded into the carpet. Green = no dirt, red = DIRT! Now, I vacuum every week, but that blasted red light will still come on in heavy traffic areas. When I vacuum, I will keep going over the one spot until that light turns green. My vacuuming time has been now doubled because of that stupid light.
  • It also takes me longer than normal to clean my apartment. I really clean, not just clean. Hence taking me longer.
  • I frequently wipe down my cell phone, phone at work, computers in both places with Clorox Wipes. A coworker of mine who sits across from me is just gross. His keyboard is so disgusting. I want to wipe it down, but that would lead to me cleaning his entire cubicle and I don't know if there are enough Clorox Wipes in the world to take on his cubicle. Seriously, it's gross.
  • Surprisingly enough, I volunteer with kids, homeless people, and mission trips to third world countries. The germs sometimes bother me (mostly with the kids), but I just keep the sanitizer handy and I have learned how to control it.
  • There are other things, but I have shared enough with you today.

And you're asking....Brandy, you want to be a nurse? Sure, they wear gloves, you know.

1 comment: said...

Thanks for the great, funny writing. And the illustrations were a great addition!