Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pondering life

Hello everyone, a very good Thursday to you. This has been the oddest week for me. Earlier this week, I had a bit of a down day. Oh it was WAY MORE than that, but I won't go into detail about everything. But I have really been thinking about my life, my future. I am at a spot in my life where I'm needing a change of something, I just feel so blah and complacent about everything. And last night in school just made it worse. This semester I'm only taking one class for college. I have three different people tell me that if I work full time, then I should only take that class.

My class in Anatomny & Physiology, two nights a week, for 3 hours a night. And boy did I make the right decision to only take that class. It's a lot of studying. Our professor said just to get a "C" in the class, you need to study 2-3 hours a night. My gosh, I've been studying, taking notes, trying out the whole notecard system, reading the chapters...everything I'm supposed to do. And yet, I'm feeling very overwhelmed by that class and feelilng like nothing is sticking.

Last week with our test, I did pretty good on it, but did bad on the Chemistry part of the test. I passed the medical part with no problems. Last night we had a test in lab, which I wasn't sure how the test would be. But it pretty much involved looking at slides under a microscope, determining what type of tissue it was, where it was located, etc. Gah! I don't think I did good on that test at all. It was difficult. And then we started studying the bone section last night. My professor's slide show presentation is 91 slides long. He's not the greatest of professors, he's actually quite boring and literally just reads from his notes.

I walked out of class feeling overwhelmed beyond belief thinking I'm never going to get this and I will have to take this class again or that I'm just done with school. I'm really too old to be dealing with it, dealing with all these young people. I called Becky for reassurance, needing her to talk me out of the "I'm dropping out of school" thoughts I was having. There is A LOT of information to retain and my brain doesn't seem to be picking it up. And I'm honestly questioning if I can handle it. I've always wanted to be a nurse...or something in the medical field. But it's taking me forever and I just want to be done with it. People ask if I'm going to go on and get my bachelor's degree. *Clears throat* Can I work on the associates and not think about the bachelor's degree right now? And then I start to think...for me being 31 with no college degree, I'm making pretty good money at my job, but it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I'm so close to applying for the nursing program, yet so far away at the same time.

*Sigh*

Quote of the day: "Education aims to give you a boost up the ladder of knowledge. Too often, it just gives you a cramp on one of it's rungs." Martin H. Fischer

2 comments:

Roxanne Kristina said...

B,

I remember those days.

You can do it. I know it's overwhelming, but remember it's one day at a time. Before you know it you'll be done. I promise.

Just went to kids curriculum night. Reminder of how stressful school in general is. Prayers for you!!!

Blessings,
Roxanne

PS: How did you get the emoticon to work in google blogger? Also, do you happen to know how to strike out a word in google blogger?

Romi said...

Hey Brandy,
I'm so sorry you had such a poopey week!! : ( Anytime you combine life + work + school = times that will truly try your soul and cause you to doubt, question, and wonder where your life is going already! I know the feeling and I'm not even working or in school (I have yet to finish my masters...just been procrastinating for the last 10 years or so, yikes!) All I can offer are my prayers and to encourage you that God does have a super great plan for your life (although it sometimes doesn't feel that way, does it?) But If He's put nursing on your heart, then He will make a way for you to get through your schooling one class at a time closer to becoming a nurse. Don't lose hope, but lean on Him and believe you'll get through it!! GOOOOOOOOO Brandy!!!!