Sunday, August 3, 2008

What alcohol means to me defines alcohol as this:

  1. A colorless, limpid, volatile, flammable, water-miscible liquid having an etherlike odor and pungent, burning taste, the intoxicating principle of fermented liquors, produced by yeast fermentation of certain carbohydrates, as grains, molasses, starch, sugar, or obtained synthetically by hydration of ethylene or as a byproduct of certain hydrocarbon syntheses: used chiefly as a solvent in the extraction of specific substances, in beverages, medicines, organic synthesis, lotions, tonics, colognes, rubbing compounds, as an automobile radiator antifreeze, and as rocket fuel.
  2. Whiskey, gin, vodka, or any other intoxicating liquor containing this liquid.

But to me.....alcohol means this:

  • Spending the summers with my dad, where him and my step-mom drank all night long while my sister and I tended to my little brother.
  • Him waking me up at 2 a.m., drunk as ever, apologizing for giving up custody to my grandparents (by the way, I had a much better upbringing with them).
  • Him coming to visit while I was living in Indiana as a child and dragging me to a biker party where everyone was drunk.
  • My grandfather having me make him a rum and coke at all hours of the day. That is his and my dad's drink of choice.
  • Learning how to mix drinks at a very young age.
  • The smell of any alcohol nauseates me beyond belief because of what I've dealt with growing up.
  • Me and my niece breaking up a fight between two men this past Thanksgiving. No other men were around to break up the fight. They were both drunk and literally fighting. Calling a friend and begging him to come from Arizona get me after the fight.
  • Many promises broken due to alcohol.
  • Putting myself in Al-Anon because even though my dad lives in another state, he was stressing me out that bad.
  • My mother is such an addict of alcohol, that her body literally depends on it now. Her body is in such a fragile state, if she stops drinking, her body would go into shock and she would die.
  • Cleaning up vomit at all wee hours.
  • My niece being so afraid of my father making a scene due to his drinking, she didn't invite him to the wedding.
  • My short vacations in California always consists of cleaning up beer bottles, supporting my niece as she tries to convince her husband not to drive somewhere after he's been drinking. Making a brave attempt to not smell the beer. Wanting to turn around and come home only a few hours after arriving there.
  • The sound of dishes breaking from somebody drunk throwing them. Not to mention the arguing.
  • Many nights of crying myself to sleep from dealing with an alcoholic grandfather, father, and mother.
  • In the short time my mother was in my life, her drinking messed me up so bad that I realized I am better off without her in my life.
  • Calling my dad after 12 p.m. is just stupid, I can guarantee he's drunk and usually slurring his words.
  • I do not drink. I haven't had alcohol in probably about 10 years. People make fun of me for not drinking, I've been called everything. I don't care...alcoholism is genetic and I do not want to become like my family members. No...I refuse to let alcohol consume my life like that.

I'm just so, so, so sick of dealing with it.

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