Sunday, June 8, 2008


I'm in a bit of a funk right now and I'm not quite sure why. My day started off good, except the roomie is annoying me. She seems to be doing that a lot lately. I just don't feel the need to answer to her about anything, where I'm going, who is texting me, etc. And yet she continues to drill me. But, I don't think that is what is bothering me. Earlier today, I went to a thank you party for some friends of mine who just got back from a missions trip to Albania and Greece. They put together a presentation for the people who financially supported them and supported them through prayer. It was a beautiful presentation, beautiful words spoken by people who went, beautiful pictures and of course food. However, a few minutes into the presentation, I started getting this uneasy feeling in my stomach and I began to feel so out of place there. Why was I getting this uneasy feeling when these people were sharing about how God moved in them and in the people they encountered? I really couldn't justify why the feeling was coming over me, but it hasn't left.

Driving home, I began to zone out the radio, which is what I do when I'm really thinking about things. But what on earth am I thinking about? There were so many thoughts running through my head, I couldn't quite pin point one. I began to think about the people I met in Chile and the Dominican Republic and how in such a short time of meeting those people (10 days for each trip), they completely changed my life. I remember their names, their faces, their hugs, even the way they smelled. Like Charlie...she was my house mom the first year I went to Chile and no matter how many people were in her small little house, she tended to my every need, no matter what the cost. We would have Spanish/English lessons. She would point to a picture and tell me what it was in Spanish and I would repeat. I would then tell her what it meant in English, and she would repeat my English word. And when I came back the second year to Chile, she still remembered me, telling everyone I was her American daughter. Or Dilio from the Dominican Republic, in 10 days, we became very close, he became a big brother to me, taking care of me when I came down with Dengue Fever, making sure I was drinking as much water as I could. Dilio, the man I gave my Spanish/English Bible to because I knew he needed it more than me and the man who through my tears at the airport, I managed to get out that if God ever brought me a husband, I prayed he was as Godly as Dilio. Oh man, I miss those people, I miss how simple their lives are and I hate the fact how complicated mine is.

I guess maybe the funk is I need to go on another missions trip? My heart is aching to do that, it's been almost two years since I've gone. No, what I need to do is get my nursing degree and just move out of this country. I don't know, is God trying to tell me something? I guess maybe I'm also a little jealous that my friends went on a mission trip, but maybe that's not it.

I know tomorrow is a new day and maybe God will decide to reveal to me the reason as to why my heart is a little heavy right now.


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