Monday, December 31, 2012

Losing Focus

I can't believe it's the end of 2012. Where the heck has the year gone?!? This year completely flew by. As I look back at 2012, it was filled with good, bad, and ugly. I think a lot of the bad and ugly became that way because of the way I reacted to the things happening around me. I don't do change well. When I get back lash from something, I tend to internalize everything thinking it's my fault and letting the guilt of whatever eat away at me. Sometimes that depression monster rears it's ugly head and takes over my entire world. All this stuff got a hold of me this past year.

For the past few weeks, I've been very introverted with my thoughts. God is definitely doing some stirring in this soul of mine. I read a quote a few months ago that really seems to be stuck in my head. The quote is from Arthur Rubinstein. It's not a long quote, but so much meaning in the words.

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back."

I have really been praying about that. Do I hate my life? No, not by any means. But I have spent more time this year complaining to God instead of thanking Him for all he's done. God knows everything in my heart, good and bad. But I was spending so much time focusing on the bad, the good got left on the wayside. After awhile the good just didn't seem to matter any more because in my head, the bad outweighed everything. Another thing that has been brought to mind lately is that I've become a boastful person. I used to never be like that, I never wanted credit for anything. But lately, I have been giving myself credit, instead of the one who deserves it more than me...God. How did that happen? Did I get completely caught up in the world? Completely caught up in myself? Perhaps it was both. Either way, deep down, I do not like the person I am becoming. And I need to yesterday. Funny, I just said I didn't do change well and here I am saying I need to change. 

I don't know where to start to get myself back to the way I was before. There's no checklist for this to get my life back on track for God. I know it needs to start with me and I know that I need God's Word to help me along the way. Every day, I am choosing to love life. Good, bad, and ugly, love it all. Because it's the only life we have and God didn't put us on this earth not to enjoy every minute of it. Sure, there will be bad times and there's always some ugly. But how I choose to react to the situation is what's going to be the kicker for me. Really looking back at 2012, I have been crazy blessed many times by God. No need to focus on the past nor the negative. Everything that happened was all part of God's plan.

I have a whole list of resolutions for the new year, but I'm not going to post them as they are private to me, but I know one thing. All things will revolve around the one who gave me life. Because I really want to suppress the "me, me, me" thoughts and fill them with "God, God, God" thoughts. 
More now than ever. 
More of Him, less of me. 
The way it needs to be. 
Goodbye 2012, I bid you goodbye. Hello 2013 and the blessings it brings! 


1 comment:

Jason said...

its a good post to end the year on. I too feel as you do - often at times.. yet other times not as much. Life is complicated. But I do like your quote.

PS. I like the font you are now using for your blogging.