In the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy goes through a lot of trouble, a lot of pain, and she really just wants to go back home to Kansas. She's scared and frightened through a good portion of the movie. Early in the movie, the ruby slippers magically appear on her feet because she killed the wicked witch of the east. Dorothy proceeds on her journey to the land of Oz with these lovely shoes on her feet.
Dorothy misses home and really wants to go back there with her aunt and uncle. To her, home is a place of comfort, a place where she isn't scared, a place where she doesn't experience pain or suffering like she does in Oz. At the end of the movie, she finds out that all she really needs to do to get home is her click her heels three times and say, "There's no place like home."
Tonight as I sat in my car crying, I wished I could just click my heels three times and make everything go away. Make my hurt go away, make other people's hurt go away, make the world right. I wished it were so easy and wondered why everything was complicated, praying to God to help this person who was the reason for my tears tonight. I got a disturbing phone call and within seconds, I felt the walls of my chest starting to close in. I couldn't get to my car fast enough to cry in private. Walking to the car at church, hoping nobody would see me as the tears began to flow. As warm tears burned my cold cheeks, I just pleaded with God to please make it alright, make this person better. I sat in the car, in silence, for 30 minutes, just crying. Finally the cold started moving through my body and when I could no longer stand the chill because I was shivering uncontrollably, I finally turned the car on with the heat. I sat there for 40 more minutes, still crying as the warm air brushed my tear stained cheeks, not having the energy to even put my car in drive.
I just want to forget it all, just wanting to see the good things. I want to help this person, but in reality, there's nothing I can do. This person needs more help than I can give. As much as a "fixer" that I am, this is the one person I can't fix. All I can do is cry and pray things get better. This one person is my nephew, I can't tell you what's going on, but please pray for him. He needs all the help he can get.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
1 comment:
There have been so many times I've felt the same way, just wanting to click my heels and be home... this Christmas especially. And I've also had many family members in "deep doo-doo". I'm also a "rescuer" personality, and it's very difficult to come to the realization that we cannot change people or control them. I knew this about myself before becoming a parent, but it is SO much harder now dealing with my desire to control my kids!
One of the most helpful things I was told after my Mom died was that it was OKAY to grieve, to cry, to be down in the dumps. BUT... we don't grieve as those who have no hope. Thank you for the reminder to be folding my hands in prayer, not wringing them in worry. I'll send one for your nephew... and you. XOXO
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