Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Is it better to know?

Than not to know? Would you rather know the truth about something, no matter what it is, and no matter how much the truth is going to hurt you? Or would you rather just not know the truth...or know the truth and deny it because it's something that you don't want to face? I journaled about this recently about one incident that happened, but decided to put on here and just expand the topic.

I think when I was younger, I didn't want to know the truth about anything. Because honestly, the truth hurts like crazy and it's something I did not want to feel. I would put the truth out of my mind, ask people not to tell me something if it was going to hurt my heart. I just wanted to live in my own little world. That pain that comes from that five letter word, is probably the most pain you'll ever experience in your life. If someone is being truthful with you, it's going to hurt in some way or another.

There are various "moments of truth" that tend to cut to the very core of who we are:

  • Finding out one of your parents is cheating.

  • Finding out you are adopted.

  • Finding out the one person you truly love, doesn't love you back.

  • Finding out that the life you have come to know is a lie.

  • Finding out you are going to die from an incurable disease.

  • Etc....

I just pulled that list above off of my head. But I have experienced finding out the truth about some of these topics. And every situation has made me grow, but also caused me to lose trust in one aspect or another. Knowing what I know right at this very moment, I wanted to know the truth, no matter how bad it is or was. In my case recently, the truth forced me to open my eyes, forced me to let a situation go, and forced me to grow more in my faith than I think I have ever have. And it hurt....really hurt, it hurt beyond comprehension, it still hurts. But God took my hand and held on to it tightly and has been holding it ever since.  

Then there's the not knowing part...like my brother. Did you know I have a brother who was adopted into another part of my family? I blogged about it once, it's not something I talk about often as we live 5 miles away from each other. But he's 26 years old, and all of his life has been led to believe he's my cousin. He's not, he's my half brother from my mom. He looks like me. But my aunt and uncle have chosen not to tell him that he's adopted. His entire life has been one big lie. He thinks he has the perfect little family where his mom and dad are still married, but in reality...he has the screwed up mother I have, the one I want absolutely nothing to do with. I've known the truth for over 20 years...but he doesn't have a clue. It's not my place to tell him even though I feel he should know. And my entire family knows the truth except for him.

Wouldn't you want to know the truth about something, no matter what it was, and how it was going to hurt?

Quote of the day: "Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self-evident." ~Arthur Schopenhauer

1 comment:

Romi said...

WOW! Thanks so much for sharing this post, Brandy!! That's got to be rough knowing you have a brother but cannot acknowledge him as such. Oh how our families of origin can mess us up and cause us to collude in the lies. I can totally relate to that. As kids, we learn by example and are taught conditions...shhh, don't say anything about so & so or else, etc. I grew up in a family of expert liars and manipulators and quickly learned as a kid that was how you survived in my family. I can't tell you why (maybe it was the blessing of a strong moral compass God wired me with and positive role models I had outside of my family), but I knew it wasn't right and hated playing the game. That's probably why today as an adult today, I really strive to to speak the truth in love (although very imperfectly) and hope to receive the same from them. So yes, most definitely I would much rather know the truth about something regardless of what it is or how much it would hurt. It is in truth that I believe the most growing and healing takes place.

Thanks again, Brandy and it's GREAT to have you back on blogger!!! Blessings on the rest of your week! : )