Saturday, June 14, 2008

Be the bigger person

When I talk to a lot of people, and they are having an issue with someone, I always tell them to "Be the bigger person". I tell the kids at church that all the time. Be the first to apologize or make things right. In examples of my life, I try to follow my own advice. I really do, but unfortunately, I am better at telling someone else to be the bigger person than me actually following my own words.

*Sigh* But I don't want to be the bigger person right now. Why do I have to be the one to make the initial "I'm sorry" move? Yesterday, I mentioned this to Becky. We had talked about it on our way to Cali, but when I mentioned it again yesterday, she even said, "Oh you haven't done that? Be the bigger person, Brandy." Hmmm..I wonder where she heard that from. When situations like this arise, where you both don't think you did anything wrong, this is what happens: the friendship/relationship fizzles to nothing, absolutely nothing. Because each person doesn't feel the need to make everything better. I've really been thinking about a particular situation lately. Last year a friend of mine was in town, he contacted me and said he wanted to hang out with me. We made plans, the day we were supposed to hang out, I called him and asked where he wanted to meet up. He proceeded to tell me he had made plans with other friends and we would hang out again before he left to go back to school. But he never made time for me, I asked him about it via email. When he did respond back it was just a short answer. I honestly don't even remember what it said, but it really gave off the impression that he just didn't care and it upset me. And we haven't spoke since, it's been almost a year. But I've been thinking about him lately, been thinking about being the bigger person. I don't know why, God is working on me as usual. I think lately it has been where other people were being the bigger person for me, when I should of been the one to take the initial step to make something better. Our friendship will never be the same, my trust with him was broken. We will probably never hang out, but just the fact that we left everything unsettled. I feel compelled to be the bigger person. I feel the need to apologize, but for what though? I didn't say anything harsh to him. Should I apologize for not being the bigger person, when I honestly expected him to? I don't know what will come out of me being the bigger person in this situation, I guess that "cloud" of "what if" will disappear. Honestly, when my life ends and I'm standing in front of God, I don't want him to ever say, "Remember that one time where I was nudging you to do this and you didn't do anything about it?"

*Takes a deep breath* Okay, here I go...I'm going to be the bigger person and send him an email. I honestly don't even have his phone number any more.

Quote of the day: "Apologize only for your mistakes, but never apologize for the person you are." ~Unknown

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