Saturday, May 10, 2008

Oh mother

So, Sunday is Mother's Day. Not really one of my favorite holidays. As most of you know, I have "mom" issues, so I don't really even celebrate this day. Mother's Day will mark one year since I have spoken to my mother. My last phone call to her on Mother's Day last year consisted of her asking me what I wanted when I called, my response was "Uh...Happy Mother's Day?" She promptly told me that she was busy and hung up the phone. Okay, so I haven't spoken to her since. She's pushed me away, even though I tried not to let her, and honestly my life is less complicated with her in it. Now, you don't know the whole story, and I'm not going to go into it, so don't assume you do know and give me issues about not speaking to my mother anymore. Sorry, if I am coming off rude, but it's the truth. Very few people actually know the entire story, most can see why I don't talk to her, some can't. In the time she was in my life, I would try to be the good daughter and send her cards for this day, her birthday, Christmas or just because. Yesterday as I was glancing over the Mother's Day cards for my "surrogate" mom, I was brought back to a place where I would try to find a card for my mother during those 4 years. It was a bittersweet moment as I won't be sending anymore to her, but I also remembered how hard it was to find a card for her. The good ones always said something like, "Mother, you've been such an inspiration to me." or "Mother, you've raised me to be a wonderful woman." or "Mother, I don't know where I would be if it weren't for you." You know...things I really can't relate to and would always settle for a generic card. I hated buying cards for her, I really did. Sometimes even buying cards for my dad became grueling, although he was somewhat in my life growing up. Hallmark should have a section for me and other people, titled "There's a Little Disfunctional Family in All of Us", I could even write cards for them. I bet I would make money,lots of it!!!

In the past year, I've been slowly learning about how to let my friend's mom love me, be my mother figure, learning to open up to her more. It has not been easy for me, due to my part and being stubborn, and desperately wanting that affection from my actual mother that I was getting from her. Reazling that I will never receive the affection from my mom that I receive from my surrogate mom. And learning to accept that, be grateful for that, realizing how blessed I am by God to have her in my life, here in Arizona. And when I don't see my friend for a few weeks, I really miss him, but you know what, I really miss his family as well, especially his mom. I made myself a part of the family whether my friend wanted me to or not. I mean seriously...she's got a house full of men (hubby and two sons with another son out of state), she needs another woman around as her daughter in law lives out of state as well, to help balance out the family. Every once in awhile we have some girl time and just go to As You Wish and paint. We both love that. That reminds me, we are so overdue for a girl day.

I know I have told her this, and I will tell her again and again: Kathy, you're the best mom and I love you! I can't begin to explain how you have helped me this year, helped me grow, helped me find myself a little more. You believe in me and encourage me and inspire me to be a better woman.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!

Quotes of the day: "Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs...since the payment is pure love." ~Mildred B. Vermont

"A mother's love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~Marion C. Garretty

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