I am feeling a number of things with my birthday approaching. Feelings of contentment, feelings of being more grown up, feelings of anxiety, feelings of happiness, feelings of sadness. There's a million things running through my mind right now. It such a mixture of emotions and I'm on the verge of tears for so many reasons.
Where is year 35 going to lead me? I have no idea, only God knows that. Things I want to accomplish in my 35th year of life are below. I guess they are resolutions of sorts. But I vowed not to make any resolutions this year. So I'm going to say they are things I look forward to:
- Get back to God. I drifted further away than I care to admit. I'm struggling with my faith. I have not lost faith in God, but lost faith in myself. I feel utterly alone in my spiritual walk and I'm not very good at holding myself accountable. God has been put on the back burner. I need to get back into the Word, need to get involved in a Bible Study and I need to find people who will hold me accountable and challenge me in my faith. How can I be a light for God to other people when I can't even be a light to myself? I also need to get back to serving outside of church, my heart is wired to serve and I'm lost by not doing here.
- Continue on this journey of working out. I have not idea how much I have lost. I wish I could sit here and say so many pounds. I am sure I have lost some, but not weighing myself on a constant basis. I know that I am busting my butt at the gym 4-5 times a week. Not let my doctor get me down and know that I'm trying to do the best I can every week. I want to like myself, which is not something I have done for a long time. I can tell you right now, it's one of the hardest journey's I've ever been on.
- Strengthen the relationships I do have in my life. I have a hand full of close friends, the number seems to decrease every year. Invest in these relationships with all I have, these people are worth every ounce of my energy.
- Genuinely love everyone, where they are at that moment in time. This is not always easy for me, but I would want the same for me, to be loved unconditionally.
- Blog more! It may seem something small and simple, but writing is an outlet for me. I've kept so many things bottled up in this head of mine, I'm surprised I haven't exploded yet.
- Make an honest effort to get out there and meet someone, whether it be through church, work, or online. Not be afraid of putting myself out there. I vowed I wouldn't ever open up my heart to someone again, but I can't live life like this. I can't live so close-guarded and afraid of my heart getting broken. God will bring the right man along and if I keep that wall up, I might miss the opportunity to have him in my life.
- Explore my state with my new camera and explore my love of photography more. There's so much to see here, I see things every day I should be taking pictures of.
- Read more, pray more, love more, laugh more, dance more. I just want more...of everything.