Friday, February 10, 2012

Hello 35!

In less than 30 minutes, I will become another year older. I will be 35. I can't believe I'm here. When I was younger, 35 was SO OLD. And now that I'm almost there, it really doesn't seem bad at all. I don't feel 35, heck many people tell me I look like I'm in my 20's. I even had one woman wonder a few weeks ago if I was even old enough to drink. Boy, that made me feel good! :)

I am feeling a number of things with my birthday approaching. Feelings of contentment, feelings of being more grown up, feelings of anxiety, feelings of happiness, feelings of sadness. There's a million things running through my mind right now. It such a mixture of emotions and I'm on the verge of tears for so many reasons.

Where is year 35 going to lead me? I have no idea, only God knows that. Things I want to accomplish in my 35th year of life are below. I guess they are resolutions of sorts. But I vowed not to make any resolutions this year. So I'm going to say they are things I look forward to:
  • Get back to God. I drifted further away than I care to admit. I'm struggling with my faith. I have not lost faith in God, but lost faith in myself. I feel utterly alone in my spiritual walk and I'm not very good at holding myself accountable. God has been put on the back burner. I need to get back into the Word, need to get involved in a Bible Study and I need to find people who will hold me accountable and challenge me in my faith. How can I be a light for God to other people when I can't even be a light to myself? I also need to get back to serving outside of church, my heart is wired to serve and I'm lost by not doing here.
  • Continue on this journey of working out. I have not idea how much I have lost. I wish I could sit here and say so many pounds. I am sure I have lost some, but not weighing myself on a constant basis. I know that I am busting my butt at the gym 4-5 times a week. Not let my doctor get me down and know that I'm trying to do the best I can every week. I want to like myself, which is not something I have done for a long time. I can tell you right now, it's one of the hardest journey's I've ever been on.
  • Strengthen the relationships I do have in my life. I have a hand full of close friends, the number seems to decrease every year. Invest in these relationships with all I have, these people are worth every ounce of my energy.
  • Genuinely love everyone, where they are at that moment in time. This is not always easy for me, but I would want the same for me, to be loved unconditionally.
  • Blog more! It may seem something small and simple, but writing is an outlet for me. I've kept so many things bottled up in this head of mine, I'm surprised I haven't exploded yet.
  • Make an honest effort to get out there and meet someone, whether it be through church, work, or online. Not be afraid of putting myself out there. I vowed I wouldn't ever open up my heart to someone again, but I can't live life like this. I can't live so close-guarded and afraid of my heart getting broken. God will bring the right man along and if I keep that wall up, I might miss the opportunity to have him in my life.
  • Explore my state with my new camera and explore my love of photography more. There's so much to see here, I see things every day I should be taking pictures of.
  • Read more, pray more, love more, laugh more, dance more. I just want more...of everything.
Here's to 35 and may it be the best year yet!


Arley said...

I think you have some wonderful ideas!!!! It's always hard to work on ourselves I think. May be the hardest part of our entire life pretty sure.

Things get better when we age. They have too. We have learned so much and the experiences will enrich our lives over and over again.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to 35... It was great to hear from you again - Ted

Joana Cruz said...

35 is such a good age! I´m almost there too... only two years left! :)

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